10 down, just 80 to go!

So, today was the 10th day in a row that I have gone and worked out...and I absolutely love it! I had a friend visit this past weekend and she hadn't seen me in 3 months and she immediately commented on my figure (though I'm not really sure if I've changed since May, but hey I'll take it!) Encouragement from my family, friends and boyfriend has been absolutely fantastic. I love them all! ;) I still get really exhausted in the afternoon and I figure that's attributed to my new temporary Nannying position with a family here in STL. It's really tempting to take a nap, but instead I'm trying to energize myself with a healthy snack. If I get in the habit of taking a nap now during my time off, it will be really hard not to want one when I start working in January. Sadly, my organization doesn't allow or encourage siestas. So, I'll resort to PB and apples, or tuna salad and crackers or a fruit bowl instead of a quick day dream. :)

The only slight change that I have noticed is that my face is getting slimmer...I think? My jawline seems to be becoming more defined, again. As for the rest of my body, I haven't noticed any changes. I'm waiting to weigh myself till I've been working out for 20 consecutive days, so the next time I write I'll let you know if anything has happened. Till then, what I can say is that my thinking about myself is definitely starting to change. I have a new sense of accomplishment and commitment to myself that I'm very proud of. I was talking to the trainer the other day and in the midst of our conversation I found myself telling here that I should be immensely grateful to my body for allowing me to live and experience life, while I have been abusing it by not working out, by making poor diet choices and not loving it for what it is here and now.

I guess Barack Obama is rubbing off on me, "Yes I can!!" and I definitely will....perhaps this is a test of will. 80 days to go...how will it change me?

90 Dollars, 90 Days...How Will it Change Me?

Today, 8.8.08, the luckiest day of the century for the Chinese People and the start of the 2008 Summer Olympics (Which ironically are hosted in Beijing!) I began a 90 day workout regimen. Honestly, I didn't plan to start today, it's just that I moved home on August 1 and was determined to engage in a healthier lifestyle once I moved to St. Louis and before I moved to New Orleans at the end of the year. Maybe Chinese Luck is on my side!! So for the first part of this week, I spent going around to many fitness centers near my parents' home to find a place that I felt I could really obtain my fitness goals. Prior to beginning my search I knew that I wanted an intimate facility offering a non-contractual membership, was in close proximity to my home and one that would be in my budget. No Pressure, Right?? Well, I found one! The facility is owned by a husband and wife who are both Physical Therapists and the husband is also a Physician Assistant at a major health care system here in town. I set up an appointment with their Circuit Coach and began learning about my body.

Those of you who know me, know that I've struggled with my self image for a while, particularly after I had multiple surgeries and engaged in a pretty sedentary lifestyle. While my personality is bubbly and full of life, I wasn't maintaining an active lifestyle, and well that quite honestly make you depressed and unhealthy. On top of that I noticed that it had literally been years since I had actually "looked" at my body. I mean really looked at it. Every morning I'd make sure that my face was pretty but would ignore that rest of me. Some of that might be attributed to living in a dorm and not really having a full length mirror in a community bathroom to check myself out, but I think the deeper reason here, was that I found it easier to ignore the rest of me so that I wouldn't have to face the feelings of resentment and disgust that I did when I did accidentally get a glimpse of that "bucket of lard"...

If you're still reading, then you're probably a friend of mine and you know that I love you!

It's amazing how much I learned during my Psych degree about self perception and yet I was falling victim to the exact things I knew not to. Such as trying to obtain the image of the models we see in print and media ads. Well here's a shocker....they are so distorted that they are literally, physically unattainable! Check out this Dove video if you don't believe me: http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.ca/flat2.asp?id=7134
I, Mona, was letting society depict my self worth and beauty by the size of my waist...are you kidding me?!?! Well, I'm not letting that happen anymore. With the help of many of my friends I've decided to work on a healthier me: a healthier mind, a healthier body, and a healthier soul. Oh and another little tid-bit, you all know that I so cordially want to have love in my life and for me that means truly loving myself so that I can truly love another. I definitely think I'm on the right track ;)

My friend Marcia told me, "Mona, the person that you are, you would never say the negative things you say to yourself, to another being. Then why do you think you are deserving of that???" Wow, that will ground you!

My friend Marilyn said to me, "Mona, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, I'm not lying to you, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!"

I used to always tell my friend JaKeitha that I would wait to buy clothes until I lost weight. She nipped that one in the butt right away! She told me, "Babe, that can be really dangerous. If you don't love yourself right now, you are not going to love your self then (some arbitrary date in the future when I thought I'd be happy and skinner)

So, here I am on 8.8.08, ecstatic to go to the gym. I found one I really like and one that is in my budget. 90 dollars for 90 days.....How will it change me?

This was a thought provoking quiz....

Mona took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Needs to feel identified with someone or something..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

A Dog-Gone Life....

My Baby Mocha, a wonderful puppy was born December 23, 2007 and finally came to my home on February 16, 2008, when she was a little over 8 weeks. She spent a couple of weeks with me and then I took her to my parents house in St. Louis...my Dad had no idea that I had gotten her!!! So when I went to STL it was definitely nerve racking cause I had no idea how my Dad would take it...and her. I ended up staying in STL for a few days cause I got sick and snowed in. I headed back to CoMo but left Mocha at my parents since I'd be leaving for a conference in Chicago just two days later. Mocha stayed with my parents for a total of two weeks and they completely fell in love with her....completely! It was so sweet to see how Mocha related to my Dad, because she was mesmerized by him, and it kinda reminded me of myself when I was a kid, and even to this day when I am amazed by how cool my Dad can really be. On Saturday March 15, 2008 Mocha, Dad and I were playing in the yard, and actually running towards the garage to go in for a T-R-E-A-T!! My life in those few moments completely changed. I tripped over something in the yard and in the next few moments to minutes all I can remember is my Dad and I were frantically trying to figure out, how hurt was Mocha. I was on the phone with my friend Jenn while thumbing through the phone book to find a vet hospital that would be open till 5 on a Saturday. We wrapped her up in a towel and whizzed down Olive Blvd in West County. At 4:36 Mocha passed away in my lap in the car ride to the vet hospital. When we arrived at the hospital the Veterinarian tried to intubate Mocha and give her epinephrine to jump start her heart, but logically too much time had passed and we could not revive her. This is one of the hardest things I've ever been through, it's the first time I've ever become attached to anything and it was ripped away from me in a matter of minutes and there was nothing I could do about it. My family and I mourned in the Vet's office and at home the rest of the weekend trying to make sense of what had happened. The Vet described to us the reason behind Mocha's death and basically she broke a couple of ribs and we think that it punctured her lung and possibly her heart and she internally bled to death. I know for me, I finally realized how precious and fragile life can truly be, and that you honestly can't taken ANYTHING for granted. It's advice that we've all heard, but it's advice that you truly understand when you're placed in a situation in which you have to rely on those words of wisdom. I reflected on my life and realized I'd been given a multitude of opportunities to learn these important lessons but thought that nothing could happen to me.
Mocha had a wonderful but short 11 weeks of a very giving and loving life...we will miss her dearly for she has made an impression on my family forever. Love you baby, Mocha!!

Who we are

I just got finished watching this series on PBS entitled "African American Lives 2" and I was completely intrigued. Henry Louis Gates, Jr. is the host and producer of the show, he traces the history of prominent African American's in our culture as far back as he can possibly go. For instance he traced Dr. Maya Angelou's ancestry back to the early 1800s, Don Cheadle, Chris Rock, Tina Turner and the likes.
It really got me thinking, ironically, as I try to bud (read post from 2.1.08 for reference) that it's so amazing to know where we come from and who we are. I know that before my grandfather passed away he had ever so diligently constructed our family tree back 300 years....I would love to see that! One thing that Chris Rock said during the show really struck me. (I am paraphrasing) He spoke about how had he known all the things about his grandfather then he would have realized earlier then he did that there were greater possibilities and opportunities for him, more so than being a comedian It really gave light to the saying, "You don't know where you're headed, until you know where you're from."

I want to know as much about my family's history as I possibly can, not only for myself, but for the children that I may one day have. There are no classes in this country that educate us about Asian Indian history and therefore, it will be up to me to keep the history of my country, the stories of my people and the legacy of my family, alive. It will be up to me to inspire my future family with the accomplishments and strifes of my ancestors. It will be up to me to show and teach my children the qualities that are inherently in their blood.

So, though I may be late to realize the importance of our past, I know now, that it definitely shapes our future.

Amazing!

Wow! This was one of my most productive days in a long time. I know its hard to believe since I'm a masters degree student, but seriously, it was. In the past, I've done well without having to do much of the reading. I mean of course my papers and reports have substance and for that I have to have background knowledge about the topic. Of course that requires reading...so yeah I do the work. Today, however, was completely different. I behaved like the student I've always wanted to be. I read my chapters for the week, I completed an analysis, and developed outlines for 2 papers due later this week. This was the first time in a long time that I felt in control, that I did work so I wouldn't be behind, today I can truly say, "I love myself for the behaviors I manifested today, I truly was a better person today than I was yesterday!" This is a feeling of accomplishment I've been longing for.....for a very long time now.

On top of all that, today was Super Bowl Sunday, NE Patriots vs. NY Giants. I watched all but the third quarter ( I sent out a couple emails during that quarter) and still managed to get a large portion of my "list of things to do" today, finished. By the way, the GIANTS WON!!!!

One last thing, I made all the snacks and appetizers for my Dad and I today. Cucumber sandetts (little Cucumber sandwiches on cocktail bread), 5 layer bean dip and potato skins. Yum!

Today was an awesome day! :)

Desire: To Bud

It has been eons since I last wrote a post, but I had an urge to write on my blog this evening so here it goes. As the title of this blog post says, "Desire: To bud" I want to bud, to grow, to change myself into a better person than I am at this very moment. I've often heard people say, "Turn a new leaf" but I don't just want to turn "a" leaf, I want there to be more leaves on my tree than there are currently. Basically, I suppose, in a metaphoric kind of way, I feel like a bare tree. Although, this may seem as though I am transparent, that is not true. Without "leaves" on my tree, you don't really see my true character...you can't even identify me...a tree with no leaves is like me having no unique identity of myself. Leaves on a tree add character, beauty and protection. I don't have hobbies, although I want to do the things that I want to do...I don't. I'm easily discouraged, I find myself doing anything to procrastinate from doing what I should be doing. I know this is a bad cycle, but I also know that I WILL get through this. How do I know this? Because I pray, because I see hope manifest itself into my world, I see possibilities being created in front of my very eyes. I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, I'm just afraid, or tired, or fed up with going through it...but I will go through it. Maybe the lesson right now is, that it's not about the destination but the journey that matters!!

So what am I going to do in order to bud? Well, funny you should ask, I have a list....

• clean my house
• plan my week every Sunday
• workout everyday
• pray with discipline
• read the books I've bought
• ask for help when I need it
• finish my "Hot Air Balloon" puzzle
• find more hobbies...or just do something I love once a week: volunteer, craft, movie, send a card to someone...what ever makes me smile!
• remember that I have what it takes to get through what I'm put through, or else I wouldn't be given the task...Thank you God!!

I truly want to be a better person than I was yesterday (I admire my friend who said this and meant it!!! I will try to live up to the commitment, as well.)

If you have any pointers....let me know.:)