It has been eons since I last wrote a post, but I had an urge to write on my blog this evening so here it goes. As the title of this blog post says, "Desire: To bud" I want to bud, to grow, to change myself into a better person than I am at this very moment. I've often heard people say, "Turn a new leaf" but I don't just want to turn "a" leaf, I want there to be more leaves on my tree than there are currently. Basically, I suppose, in a metaphoric kind of way, I feel like a bare tree. Although, this may seem as though I am transparent, that is not true. Without "leaves" on my tree, you don't really see my true character...you can't even identify me...a tree with no leaves is like me having no unique identity of myself. Leaves on a tree add character, beauty and protection. I don't have hobbies, although I want to do the things that I want to do...I don't. I'm easily discouraged, I find myself doing anything to procrastinate from doing what I should be doing. I know this is a bad cycle, but I also know that I WILL get through this. How do I know this? Because I pray, because I see hope manifest itself into my world, I see possibilities being created in front of my very eyes. I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, I'm just afraid, or tired, or fed up with going through it...but I will go through it. Maybe the lesson right now is, that it's not about the destination but the journey that matters!!
So what am I going to do in order to bud? Well, funny you should ask, I have a list....
- clean my house
- plan my week every Sunday
- workout everyday
- pray with discipline
- read the books I've bought
- ask for help when I need it
- finish my "Hot Air Balloon" puzzle
- find more hobbies...or just do something I love once a week: volunteer, craft, movie, send a card to someone...what ever makes me smile!
- remember that I have what it takes to get through what I'm put through, or else I wouldn't be given the task...Thank you God!!
I truly want to be a better person than I was yesterday (I admire my friend who said this and meant it!!! I will try to live up to the commitment, as well.)
If you have any pointers....let me know.:)
2 comments:
Thanks for the shout-out! I know what you mean about wanting to bud, wanting to become who you are supposed to be. I sometimes feel like no one really knows until they are like 80 and have infinite wisdom from life's truest test...time. This is also what life is. Living your life is continuing YOUR search for nourishment, growth. To bud.
Just remember, nothing ever grew out of visual perfection. PLants need mud to grow (water + dirt). Moral: the dirty is the good, the nourishment, the lesson. Love it.
Maybe I should write a blog...
The difficulties in life are caused by disharmony in the individual, not in My Kingdom, only something unconquered in My children.
-Unknown
Look within lady bug...you'll be better for it. A lot of heartache comes with examining oneself. However, the continuous rise to this challenge will ensure that you remain champion of the most important fight of your life...between your soul and your mind. Which do you want to prevail?
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